Fairy Tale.

So here's a story.

There once was a girl. She was a girl in the process of finding herself. 13 is a very hard age if you can remember. She was visiting her dad who lived out of state and met this boy who lived behind him. She instantly liked him. When she had to go back home, they kept in touch and ended up falling in love. They had a perfect relationship with only the distance as a problem. One day, the girls mom scared her by telling her that she is too young and shouldn't tie herself down and that this boy of her's will end up finding someone else anyway. The girl was so scared that she found a new boyfriend and broke it off with the boy she loved. A year goes by and after having too many problems with her mom, she moves with her dad who still lived behind this boy of her's. The boy still loved her but unfortunetly the girl had moved on. She found another boyfriend who treated her like crap and really hurt her. This is when she realized that she needed a boy who would always love her, who would treat her right. She realized that she still loved the boy she was with in the first place. By the time she tells him, he had moved on. The girl was absolutely heartbroken for months. She was so heartbroken that she had done terrible things to him to make them stop talking to each other for three months. Eventually, the she and the boy reunite as friends. On New Years Eve, he tells her that he wants to be with her, for real this time. The girl has doubts, but she couldn't say no. Now they are finally officially together after 2 and a half years... and so far so good.

:)

Lost.

Mood: Contemplative
Music: Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me- The Smiths

I don't know how I feel.

I really need to be closer to God... and I feel like I am somewhat but there is one factor working against me: the fact that I smoke. I think I may be addicted. I'm going to try to quit after this pack, but I have said that a lot and it never works out. My great friend Caleb seems to be helping me a little. He has introduced me to a band that has the most profound lyrics about God. I love As Cities Burn, now.

I can't seem to be happy without some sort of subtance anymore, whether if it's caffeine, nicotine, or tobacco. I just need to stop now.

There are some things I like about Christmas.

Mood: Happy
Music: Hot Hot Hot!!!- The Cure

It's funny how friends make your life so much better. I was going through some serious struggles and I honestly believe it's because of lack of love I feel from... wherever it's missing. Like family, some friends, peers, everyone. But when I gave them a very special Christmas gift, I know they really appreciated it and I felt it. I felt like they appreciated me and loved me. I know I sound pathetic but... I have some emotional problems due to my past.

I've liked this kid Houston for a few months now. I don't trust him at all yet, but he's been talking to me for the past three days. I hung out with him once and we plan to again sometime after Christmas. We'll see.

I'm going to try REALLY hard to stop the smoking, drinking and partying. I live for God and I need to show that in my actions better.

-Panda Bear